


i've got a lover, and i'm unforgiven (i'm such a fool to pay this price)

by sapphfics



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angst angst angst and more angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Murder, Purple Prose, yes the title makes No Sense i know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 13:51:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5458772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphfics/pseuds/sapphfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <strike>In the beginning</strike>
</p><p>[ <b>S T O P R I G H T T H E R E !</b> – because this is Stanford and he is not writing a Holy Book, he is not a god and he will never be a god and even though he loved a god he still got betrayed and there really is no such thing as a 'beginning' because time is an illusion and the universe is a hologram and – and - ]</p><p>In Stanford’s beginning, his parents throw his brother out and they tell (they order) him not to return without money.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i've got a lover, and i'm unforgiven (i'm such a fool to pay this price)

When his brother leaves –

 ~~No. No. **No.**~~ That is a **L I E.**

(Liars have tongues of ash, liars get thrown into rivers in the dead of night, their necks broken, liars don’t deserve funerals or love or happiness. Don’t you remember, Stanford?)

Stanford does not want to lie ~~to himself~~ to anyone not anymore.

 ~~He wants to be~~   _He will be **goodhonestpure**_ , and _he will be_ _everything_ Bill Cipher is not and he ~~thinks~~ _knows_ that Bill Cipher will _know_ somehow, and be _angrypissedfurious_ and maybe just maybe **that is exactly** what Stanford wants and _maybe_ Bill Cipher will see him and think he is good and he has changed and maybe then Stanford will begin to feel at home in his own skin –

But -

Standford has to start at The Beginning. That’s how all Good Stories start and his is a Good Story, honest.

 ~~No. No. No.~~ Good Stories have _**pretty princesses**_ and _**charming princes**_ and _**suits**_ and _**ballgowns**_ and  And They All Lived Happyily Ever AFter.

Stanford’s just has **_Bill Cipher_** and  Fear.

Nevertheless, Beginnings are _Important_ to Stanford, and he knows that they are essential for the entire truth ~~lie~~ to be believable.

* * *

  ~~In the beginning~~

[ **S T O P R I G H T T H E R E !** – because this is Stanford and he is not writing a Holy Book, he is not a god and he will never be a god and even though he loved a god he still got betrayed and there really is no such thing as a 'beginning' because time is an illusion and the universe is a hologram and – and - ]

In Stanford’s beginning, his parents throw his brother out and they tell (they order) him not to return without money.

Stanford closes the curtain on the street and does not say goodbye. His brother ruined his future, so why should he care to show him decency?

He hears his father yell: “God must have it out for us.”

There is no food in the house for a week because his dad spends all the money on alcohol to numb the pain.

But Stanford doesn't cared. He lives and breathes and does not allow himself a second to concentrate on his own needs, only on his research.

His Mother does not shed more than a few tears over Stanley's loss, at least none that Stanford sees, but perhaps he just isn’t paying attention.

* * *

 Stanford thinks about what his father said, sometimes (all the time), about how **_LOUDLY_** his father yelled, about how the statement is still stuck in his brain like sand at the bottom of the ocean.

About how, in a way, father was **RIGHT** and it _scares_ Stanford because the man was such an oaf but he was right – But it was not God who had it out for them it was a demon and he only had it out for Stanford because Stanford is a _**GENIUS**_ and apparently this means that he can’t have nice things like prestigious college degrees or friends or family or a brother who loves him like a brother should –

* * *

 In his ~~dream~~ **nightmare** , there is a Demon.

He says his name is Bill Cipher and he claims that Stanford is _The Man Who Changed the World_.

Stanford rather likes the sound of that.

Bill Cipher does not say if it was in a beneficial way or not, but Stanford is young and foolish and craves praise that he never got.

Of course they didn’t. Humanity just wasn’t ready for someone like him, yet.

“But I can fix that, all of it, I just need your agreement.” Bill Cipher spins his top-hat of flesh - Stanford does not know about this, but soon this will change – and Stanford thinks.

A world where people could accept him would be paradise.

“Then it’s a deal. From now until the end of time.” Stanford holds out his hand and wonders if this is what trust is supposed to feel like.

“Just let me into your mind, Stanford.” Bill’s own hand is engulfed in blue flame and heat.

“Please, call me, a friend.” Stanford insists.

They lock hands and Standford smiles.

* * *

Bill betrays him and Stanford hates him and hates him and hates him and hates him but maybe he loves him as well and this   is the worst hell imaginable –

_“A deal’s a deal, Sixer. You can’t stop the bridge between our worlds from coming, but it’d be fun to watch you try. Cute, even.”_

Bill is **_LAUGHING_** and Stanford wants to scream.

* * *

Stanford shuts down the portal and he can trust no-one.

* * *

  **T**

**R**

**U**

**S**

**T**

**N O – O N E**

**Author's Note:**

> this fic has been stuck in my brain for Years. 
> 
> also, it's nearly 5 AM and i've not slept yet. 
> 
> in conclusion: insomnia sucks, and i hope you have a good day.


End file.
